I Can't Leave Yet

For some reason this week I have been crying much more than usual. Maybe it's because I'm only staying here for one week, or maybe it's because I prayed that God would break my heart for what breaks His and He has fulfilled that prayer as completely as possible. But either way, I told myself today would be a fun day. We were going to go to one of the special needs orphanages for older kids, and then off to the boys orphanage for an afternoon of soccer and Bible stories!

Instead, I cried everywhere. I cried at the special needs orphanage because I was sad that they had to live in smelly rooms. And also because I could only dance with them one day. Then we found out we could not go to the boys orphanage so we went to visit a family Sus Hijos built a house for in March. They built the house for a woman and her grandson that she takes care of who is 15 and weighs about 20 pounds. No one knows why he can't gain weight, so we don't know how to help them. It broke my heart. I cried thinking about the fact that he would never get to play sports, I cried about how happy I was to have met him because he and his grandmother loved God so much. I cried because I take everything for granted and they do not. I cried because I want to spend my summer building houses for families like that. I was just so extremely heart broken. And I thank God that He sent us to that family today.

For dinner we had a special treat: we were the first to eat at The State's Diner! It's restaurant Sus Hijos is opening to give jobs to kids in halfway houses. It has been amazing to see God give them this restaurant and I was beyond excited to be the first group to test the food! After dinner, my amazing boyfriend set it up a fake birthday party for me which I loved. You see, this will be my first year in 6 years to not spend my actually birthday in El Salvador. On top of that, my boyfriend will be on a cruise on my actual birthday so I won't even get to see him. Soooo he gave me a fake birthday tonight with him there AND all of my Salvadorean friends :) And that made me cry happy tears.

It was an amazing day full of God things and God's love. I cannot believe my time here is coming to an end. I literally am not at all prepared to leave. In my mind I still have a few weeks left. But I thank God for the time He has given me here and I simply pray that He uses us as fully as possible tomorrow!

There has been nothing more fun than me getting to see Colton enjoy each orphanage! Here is him dancing with one of my favorite guys from this orphanage. He stole my dance partner, actually. 

Claire and I fell in love with Eduardo, the boy who Sus Hijos built a house for in March

Getting to be the first to eat at The State's Diner! 

This picture is actually from yesterday, but it's just a little happy because I was finally able to fulfill my dream of making a pupusa in an El Salvador home kitchen :) 

Ephesians 2:8-9

Monday was an extremely rough day all around for many different reasons. Dealing with very abrasive government people, missing children I wanted to see, so on and so forth. Therefore I chose not to post that day. None of it would have been very glorifying to God.

Tuesday we began building a house! It's in one of the villages I was able to help take food to last year, so it was a lot of fun getting to go back! When we build houses I always try to help a bit, but I somehow always get in the way or end up not really providing help because I'm pretty weak and we have a lot of strong guys on this team. Example: this year I tried to help and ended up drilling into my finger a bit. Obviously my calling is not to help construct anything! :)

Instead of building I was able to spend time with all of the kids in the community which was exactly what I needed. I absolutely adore spending time with the people of El Salvador because when you get into the poor communities you get to see how happy they are with what little they have. It makes me so incredibly happy to hear them giggle and sing and repeat that Jesus loves them. With the amazingly beautiful mountains and volcanoes, the breathtaking beaches, and most importantly the beyond gorgeous people, I have never been to a place that so perfectly exemplifies God's glory and majesty. And God allowing us to serve as His hands and feet for these people is just so amazing to me.

So long story short, Christ renewed my strength and my patience. As usual. And I am so very blessed to be sharing this experience with so many people that I love. I'm not sure why God has blessed me so much with this wonderful life!

Colton and I with one of my favorite girls, Yasmin

Getting the roof on the house! 

My diva Jennifer in her new dress, shoes, and with her new sunglasses

My all time favorite Salvadorena, Lilly, praying over a family while we passed out food. Lilly shows Christ's love better than anyone I have ever met and I am so glad God put her in my life to show me how to work! 

Trip of 2014

So we made it down for another year! Micaiah, Baxter, Colton and I teamed up with Starfish Orphan Ministry (based in Paducah, Kentucky) and it has been fantastic! We flew to El Salvador yesterday and arrived late last night after a fairly quick and very safe trip.

This morning we went to church, which is always one of my favorite experiences. It is just beyond amazing to me that even though we are singing in English, and the church is singing in Spanish, we are all worshiping God. We are all praising and bringing glory to the one, true God. How beautiful is that? Sometimes people get so frustrated with language barriers, but I don't. Because when it comes down to it, I think it's pretty stinking cool that God gets to be worshiped in so many different languages and in so many different ways!

After church we went off to one of the orphanages that I have been going to for about 4 years now. There are so many less children than there were my first year, and there have been many improvements. It is so amazing to see God using the missionaries down here! But as we walked around Colton made a comment about what it would be like to live in a place so dirty, and it made me realize that instead of looking at the current situation, I was just comparing the current situation to the past. So as amazed as I am that there are such improvements being made, I never want to forget that God has so many more improvements He wants us to make. Even though situations for these kids are BETTER, we should never stop trying to make things as good as they can possibly be.

Tonight we did one of the hardest things for me: feeding the homeless. It's raining tonight (of course, it's rainy season) so it's a bit chilly for a Salvadorean night in June. We all curled up in our rain coats, ponchos, and piled into the bed of the truck. We were all hit with cold, cold rain as we drove, and we were all pretty ready to get back to the house to get dry. The problem with this is that when you feed the homeless, and it's raining, and you get to go get warm and dry, you realize that the people you're feeding don't get to go get warm or dry. And while feeding the homeless you see children, mothers with babies, handicapped men, kids you used to work with in the orphanages, and people getting high off glue to distract themselves from being cold and hungry. All of those people are stuck out on the cold, wet streets while I am blessed enough to get to crawl into a bed, in an air conditioned room, and go to sleep.

I talked to one of my friends here about it for a while and I understand that people are typically homeless because of choices they make. But does that make it any less sad? Should I not get choked up seeing a young boy sleeping on the sidewalk in the rain just because he chose to run away? No. I should know God has a bigger plan for all of this. His plan is perfect and there is nothing I can do to hurry His plan along, or change it. I may not ever understand why those people are in the situations they are in, but that's not the point. I just pray God continues to use this week to strengthen my trust in Him and always let my heart break for others.

The End

As my last days were approaching I tried to keep it out of my mind that I do have to go back to Mississippi at some point. I got to spend this week helping build a house, visiting the orphanages, and taking an orphanage to the water park. My last week was filled with love, laughs and God.

I am not ready to leave. I am so beyond blessed to have this experience once again. But I'm afraid it will never feel like enough time here. On our way home from dinner tonight I started crying and Kenia (the translator who has spent all day every day with me) said "You just have to know that this isn't God's time for you to be here. He has a plan for you, and you just have to be patient." And I know that's true. But it doesn't make it any easier to leave the kids and friends I have here. There are so many stories I could write about, but at this moment I can't think of any. I want to explain the hopelessness and sadness I feel daily here. I also want to explain the joy and the power of God that I feel here. There is such a war going on inside of me that I don't know where to start or what to say. All I can do is pray that the people who are called here keep doing God's will, and that one day I may be a bigger part in that.

Yesterday I spent the entire day holding my favorite baby. I rocked him, fed him, and changed him. It was perfect. And all I could do was pray that he would somehow grow up and be a Godly man who does something amazing with his life... I hugged my little angel who is physically handicap because of her abusive parents, and I thought about the progress she has made in the past year. Hugging her for the last time was more difficult than I can ever explain (I cry just remembering it.).. And I know I should be excited to get home and see my friends and family. But I'm not. I'm not at all. I'm torn up inside that I have to leave these kids... I think about sweet Christian whom we built the house for. I think about Glenda and her mom (the girls I've seen all five years) and the miracle that their lives are... I think about so many kids. So many people. And I just know I want to be part of this. This is where my heart is.

But, I do have to head back to Mississippi tomorrow. A new chapter in my life is beginning and I know God has big plans. Please keep me in your prayers tomorrow as I fly home. And thank you all for another year of wonderful support.

Matthew 11:28-30

The past few weeks have been very random. Amazing, but random. We've spent each day at different orphanages. It's been far different from last year because there haven't been teams here so I've been able to kind of make my own schedule.

I've been praying a lot about the future and where God is calling me. There's been a lot going on back home that I've been worried about, and I've been feeling the spiritual warfare here much stronger than I've ever felt it. I have also gotten to spend time with more missionaries here and hear their stories. I honestly haven't written in so long because I haven't known what to write. I don't know how to put into words what has been going on. But last week at church a lady prayed over me and one of the translators, and she prayed specifically that I would be able to give the Lord my worries and do whatever He calls me to do. Almost immediately I felt relieved. During the sermon the pastor mentioned Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart ,and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." It is much easier said than done. But that's what I've worked on this week.

A new baby arrived at one of the orphanages- he is a month old. His parents left him at the hospital so he was brought to the orphanage. Leaving a baby at the hospital isn't too uncommon here and it absolutely kills me inside every time it happens. But for some reason I felt a strange sense of peace as I held him Thursday. I prayed that he would overcome all of the problems I know will come along with being abandoned and growing up as an orphan. 

This weekend I had the privilege of showing my dad a few of the orphanages and he got to visit the house we built while my mom and siblings were in town. I love having him here and introducing him to this part of my life. 
Please keep my last week in your prayers. 

My God Saves

Today we finished building the house we've been working on. The family we are building it for is a family beyond brokenness. This is a family that has been torn apart. The mother is pressing charges against her brother for sexually abusing her young son. She can't talk to any of her family because they are all mad at her for pressing charges. She and her son had to move away and cut ties from their family. She is the bravest woman I have ever met. It is extremely rare for a parent to press charges in ES.

When we build houses I tend to get distracted by the children. Today was no exception. I grew to love this boy we were building for. He is funny and sweet and always willing to help. He stole my heart.
As we left, his mom ran after us to tell us goodbye. She began to tell us that her son had been angry and violent lately and she believed it had something to do with the abuse. She told us that his grandma once told him he shouldn't have been born and he only brought problems to the family. I was overcome with sadness and pain for this boy and I asked if I could pray for him. I was already holding his hand, and I wrapped my other arm around his shoulders. I began to pray that he would realize how much he was loved and wanted. I prayed that he would continue to grow into the strong man that he had been for us. And for the third time in all my trips down here, I cried. The translator took over praying and as she prayed, he began to pray too. He prayed that God would take away the anger that he was feeling. And he prayed to accept Jesus into his heart.
We had to leave and I was hit with how powerful God is. I know that sounds dumb, but it's easy to forget that sometimes. I will never forget him or his fearless mother. Tonight I go to bed satisfied because God let me be His hands and feet, and He let me see Him touch lives in the moment. But I also go to bed with a heavy heart for all this boy will have to deal with in the future because of sin.

Thank you all who helped us give these two a home with beds. God is definitely at work.

Sunday- from Bethany

      "Imagine going to church on a Sunday morning in the back of a pick up truck while having to duck branches. You're going down a hill then you hear music. You don't know what the singers are saying, but you know it's meaningful by the way they are singing. Then you pull up to a little concrete block with a giant square hole. No door. Just air. Thats where the music is coming from.
       I had no clue what they were saying. I had no clue who they were. They had no clue who I was. We were complete strangers. They speak spanish, and I speak English. How could i understand them or them me? In that situation, I just put my trust in music. Everyone singing and clapping. The lady in front of me had a tambourine, and she just chimed in with the band. I knew they were saying something really important when my translator would throw his head back and shout the lyrics. Although I had no idea what they were saying or what they thought about me, I knew we were alike when we were with God. All around me, I felt and saw how much they believed He was there.
       Sometimes I have doubts that God is there. Don't we all? I live somewhere where things are easy. Where I don't fear for my life everyday. They live in a house of fear everyday, yet here they are... singing and shouting out to someone they couldn't see. Then we went to Sunday school.
       I have never seen my mother that passionate in my whole life. By the end, I was in tears along with two girls. We had only talked about Feeding The 5000. A story I've heard 5000 times. Why hadn't I cried about it before? Maybe it was because I hadn't realized how it affected people today. I don't know. The girl who I saw crying first was a beautiful girl named Rebekah. I will never forget her... God has surprised me with tears that day. God has surprised me with a lot on this mission trip."
-Bethany




(The rest is from me-Lydia)
Yesterday was a huge day for me. Not only did I get to see my family members touch lives, but I got to hear my little sister ask not to leave one of the orphanages. Today we began building a house and tomorrow we get to finish it! Please keep us in your prayers!