This week has been pretty rough. I had a complete break down Tuesday night. If I could explain it, I would. I guess it's just hard to hear all of the stories and know all of the kids, and not be able to do anything except love them. And I'm sure that sounds like it's enough... But it's not. When you are sitting there trying to explain to a child that was abused and betrayed by everyone who was supposed to take care of him that God loves him, you can't help but think you are doing absolutely nothing.
"Be strong. Banish fear and doubt. Remember the Lord is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9
"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher that I." -Psalm 61:2
"When I felt my feet slipping, You came with Your love and kept me steady." -Psalm 94:18
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." -2 Timothy 1:7
Remiding myself that God has me here for a reason... Even if that reason is to fix myself... I cannot beat myself up over problems that I cannot fix. God has a plan for every person on this planet. Every single one. So maybe I will never know the plan He has for each of these children. The important thing is that He knows... This past week we spent a lot of time at the boys orphanage, and my prayer for this weekend is that each of those boys grows into a strong, Godly man.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
"We cannot fathom His plan"
As I have mentioned before, last year I spent every other day at CIPI, which is supposed to be a halfway orphanage type of place. The kids will go there when they are waiting for their court date to decide where they are going for sure. I always spent time with the babies, and the older teenage girls. But I never spent time with the special needs kids. Mainly just because I had my days so carefully planned out, and I never got the chance to go spend time with them.
Thursday we were at CIPI, and we were giving the usual tour for the new group. When we came to the special needs area I immediately went to a little girl who was in the most precious flowered dress. She just smiled and held my hand as I sat next to her. I cannot explain to you why I went to her. There were plenty of other kids I could have gone to, but God obviously led me to her.. Lilly (the translator) started to tell me that the little girl hasn't been a special needs child her whole life. In fact, she was born without any problems. Her mom decided she didn't want to take care of her after she was born, so she would leave food laying on the ground and go to work. So if the baby got hungry she would have to find a way to get to the food. Her mom would hit her and abuse her horribly if she ever cried or just got on her mom's nerves. The little girl now has an S shaped spine, can't really use her left arm, and her right elbow is popped out and you can see where the bone kind of sticks up. I figured out that she loves to be pushed around in one of the wheel chairs. She is so smart and she loves to hold the leaves from the bushes around the building. I eventually had to leave and put her back in the special needs area. She was crying hysterically when I was leaving. It absolutely broke my heart.
As usual, a child here is suffering because of their parents. She did not do anything to deserve the life she is now living. Her mom was selfish and stupid. And now she can't even have a normal childhood.
I left feeling completely hopeless... As much as I love it here, some days I just think "why am I even trying?" It just feels like there are so many problems, and so many things that have already happened, and I can't do anything. I am in this random country, trying to tell kids about Jesus, and all I come across are kids who are spending their life suffering because of their parents. And then I read "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go." -Joshua 1:9... MAN does God have a way of knowing what we need to hear.
Today we went to the boys orphanage, and the one boy I became close with (who ran away from home) sat and talked with me and then hit a beach ball around with me for a while. It was such a nice reminder that if I can talk to even one kid while I am here, I'm doing SOMETHING.
Thursday we were at CIPI, and we were giving the usual tour for the new group. When we came to the special needs area I immediately went to a little girl who was in the most precious flowered dress. She just smiled and held my hand as I sat next to her. I cannot explain to you why I went to her. There were plenty of other kids I could have gone to, but God obviously led me to her.. Lilly (the translator) started to tell me that the little girl hasn't been a special needs child her whole life. In fact, she was born without any problems. Her mom decided she didn't want to take care of her after she was born, so she would leave food laying on the ground and go to work. So if the baby got hungry she would have to find a way to get to the food. Her mom would hit her and abuse her horribly if she ever cried or just got on her mom's nerves. The little girl now has an S shaped spine, can't really use her left arm, and her right elbow is popped out and you can see where the bone kind of sticks up. I figured out that she loves to be pushed around in one of the wheel chairs. She is so smart and she loves to hold the leaves from the bushes around the building. I eventually had to leave and put her back in the special needs area. She was crying hysterically when I was leaving. It absolutely broke my heart.
As usual, a child here is suffering because of their parents. She did not do anything to deserve the life she is now living. Her mom was selfish and stupid. And now she can't even have a normal childhood.
I left feeling completely hopeless... As much as I love it here, some days I just think "why am I even trying?" It just feels like there are so many problems, and so many things that have already happened, and I can't do anything. I am in this random country, trying to tell kids about Jesus, and all I come across are kids who are spending their life suffering because of their parents. And then I read "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go." -Joshua 1:9... MAN does God have a way of knowing what we need to hear.
Today we went to the boys orphanage, and the one boy I became close with (who ran away from home) sat and talked with me and then hit a beach ball around with me for a while. It was such a nice reminder that if I can talk to even one kid while I am here, I'm doing SOMETHING.
Monday, June 18, 2012
But You love me anyway.
Yesterday we went to a community on the beach where we are building a house, and made hot dogs for everyone. We got to feed hundreds of people! If that's not God working, I don't know what is.
Last night I went with the group to feed the homeless. Feeding the homeless is possibly my favorite thing to do. Aside from the adventure of riding in the back of a pick up truck throughout San Salvador, it is amazing to see how many people are living with nothing. And they are so grateful for what we give them. At one stop an elderly lady held my hand and just kept saying "God bless you" until we left. At the next stop a girl around 12 came up to the side of the truck and asked my name, which was a little surpising since most of the homeless just say thank you and go sit down. At that same stop I saw a mom with a newborn sitting on some stairs outside of an abandoned building. These three women (all in very different stages of life) really got to me. They were so thankful for what little we gave them.
Today we went to the community to begin building the house. After a rainy morning, and trying to tear down the old house, I found a boy named Juan standing off to the side. Anyone who knows me knows I can't resist children. Some of the women from the group and I went to a clearing and started playing soccer (futbol) with the boys from the community. We eventually took off our shoes (my idea.. sorry, mom) and just went at it. It was so much fun. I got to climb a tree with some of the boys, and then later washed up in the river. To say that was an adventure would be an understatement... While us girls were having all of the fun, the men almost finished the house! It typically takes two full days to tear down/build the house. They got it torn down AND got all of the walls up! Again, God was definitely working.
"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix you gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways." - Proverbs 4:25-26. This has really been my prayer this week for the rest of my year. Being here makes me realize how blessed I am to have this opportunity and to be on this adventure. I hate going home and getting caught up in the normal high school nonsense. So these past few days have made me very determined not to do that this year. I have come too far and I have seen too much of God's power to just fall back into the normal teenage drama.
If you're friends with me on facebook please go see my status about the family who is staying at the mission house and keep them in your prayers!
Last night I went with the group to feed the homeless. Feeding the homeless is possibly my favorite thing to do. Aside from the adventure of riding in the back of a pick up truck throughout San Salvador, it is amazing to see how many people are living with nothing. And they are so grateful for what we give them. At one stop an elderly lady held my hand and just kept saying "God bless you" until we left. At the next stop a girl around 12 came up to the side of the truck and asked my name, which was a little surpising since most of the homeless just say thank you and go sit down. At that same stop I saw a mom with a newborn sitting on some stairs outside of an abandoned building. These three women (all in very different stages of life) really got to me. They were so thankful for what little we gave them.
Today we went to the community to begin building the house. After a rainy morning, and trying to tear down the old house, I found a boy named Juan standing off to the side. Anyone who knows me knows I can't resist children. Some of the women from the group and I went to a clearing and started playing soccer (futbol) with the boys from the community. We eventually took off our shoes (my idea.. sorry, mom) and just went at it. It was so much fun. I got to climb a tree with some of the boys, and then later washed up in the river. To say that was an adventure would be an understatement... While us girls were having all of the fun, the men almost finished the house! It typically takes two full days to tear down/build the house. They got it torn down AND got all of the walls up! Again, God was definitely working.
"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix you gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways." - Proverbs 4:25-26. This has really been my prayer this week for the rest of my year. Being here makes me realize how blessed I am to have this opportunity and to be on this adventure. I hate going home and getting caught up in the normal high school nonsense. So these past few days have made me very determined not to do that this year. I have come too far and I have seen too much of God's power to just fall back into the normal teenage drama.
If you're friends with me on facebook please go see my status about the family who is staying at the mission house and keep them in your prayers!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Zoo with CISNA
Yesterday we were going to go to the boys orphanage but a riot broke out in the girls detention center next door so they wouldn't let anyone in. Therefore, we met the boys at the zoo. One boy told one of the translators, Anibal, that he wanted to talk to me. We started to walk around together and we ended up at the reptile house. As we were walking, Anibal and I ended up almost to the end of the house and realized we didn't know where the boy was. We turned around and found him just staring at the iguana's. He told us that he used to have one as a pet, and it's name was Peter, but it died. It took a lot to get him away from the iguanas, but once we did he ran straight out of the place and started talking about how his head hurt. He started crying because he didn't feel good. But I thought that was a little weird because I don't know many 14 year old boys who start crying because of a headache. Later, he told me that a month ago he ran away from home because both of his parents abused him, and after 2 weeks on the streets the police found him and moved him to CISNA. (I'm not putting his name for safety reasons.)
After the zoo we picked up some food and went to eat at a park near the mission house. The boy was so funny, and very protective of me. He knew that I could understand spanish, but any time another boy would try to talk to me he woud be like "She doesn't understand you! Stop trying to talk to her!" He and one of his friends even taught me how to hit a soccer ball off my head... Spending time with him reminded me of why I love this place. It's the relationship with these kids that brings me back every year. There is nothing better than knowing one of the kids looks forward to seeing you. Typically each group goes to the boys orphanage at least once a week, so I am definitely excited to see him each time.
Today I got to treat myself to a "down day". I spent the day reading through Judges and playing with the Ackermann kids. But I actually dislike days like this. I feel very unproductive. Thankfully, tomorrow is the beginning of a very full week with the new group. I cannot wait to see what God has planned for us! I love to see the way He works through each group in a different way.
After the zoo we picked up some food and went to eat at a park near the mission house. The boy was so funny, and very protective of me. He knew that I could understand spanish, but any time another boy would try to talk to me he woud be like "She doesn't understand you! Stop trying to talk to her!" He and one of his friends even taught me how to hit a soccer ball off my head... Spending time with him reminded me of why I love this place. It's the relationship with these kids that brings me back every year. There is nothing better than knowing one of the kids looks forward to seeing you. Typically each group goes to the boys orphanage at least once a week, so I am definitely excited to see him each time.
Today I got to treat myself to a "down day". I spent the day reading through Judges and playing with the Ackermann kids. But I actually dislike days like this. I feel very unproductive. Thankfully, tomorrow is the beginning of a very full week with the new group. I cannot wait to see what God has planned for us! I love to see the way He works through each group in a different way.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Arroz y Frijoles
The past few days we have been building three houses on an island. We would make an hour bus ride and then take a boat to the island. It was quite the adventure. (But, every day is an adventure here.) Typically, the men would do all of the hard labor and actually BUILD the house, while us girls would put sealer on the house and do games with the local kids. We passed out Bibles and bubbles and all of the important things! The group brought bags of jeans to pass out to the community and it was AMAZING. They had them in sizes and the people would get into lines and get the jeans one at a time. You could just see God working through this team.
Yesterday we walked door to door to pass out bags of rice and beans and pray for the families. This is definitely my favorite thing to do. You get to see all of the different living situations, and every time we do this I am amazed at how many people will live in one house. I am always hit with how blessed I am. I love love love when we are praying for a family, and they start to pray with us. I love knowing that God really is working in them, and we're not just some random gringos giving them food.
Today we took all of the kids and staff from CIPI to the water park. It was a lot of fun to spend time with everyone and let them have a fun day. Most of the kids had never been to a water park before. Days like this make me feel like the people I go to school with are so materialistic and selfish. And the worst part to me is that they don't mean to be. It's just how they were raised. They grew up in a place where having the newest everything means the world. I went from hearing complaints about not having the newest iPhone or the right shoes to hearing people beg for just one pair of used jeans and a Bible.
I also talked to a guy here about the halfway house opening up. They have funding for the first 6 months of rent, and they are just waiting for the government to approve all of the paperwork and stuff, then it will be open for the boys. It is so amazing to hear how they are working down here. I want to find a way to help out more. I feel like this summer has been me seeing all of the needs that need to be met here. But God is definitely present in this country. "Greater things are yet to come; greater things are still to be done in this city."
And, as always, please keep all of this in your prayers.
Yesterday we walked door to door to pass out bags of rice and beans and pray for the families. This is definitely my favorite thing to do. You get to see all of the different living situations, and every time we do this I am amazed at how many people will live in one house. I am always hit with how blessed I am. I love love love when we are praying for a family, and they start to pray with us. I love knowing that God really is working in them, and we're not just some random gringos giving them food.
Today we took all of the kids and staff from CIPI to the water park. It was a lot of fun to spend time with everyone and let them have a fun day. Most of the kids had never been to a water park before. Days like this make me feel like the people I go to school with are so materialistic and selfish. And the worst part to me is that they don't mean to be. It's just how they were raised. They grew up in a place where having the newest everything means the world. I went from hearing complaints about not having the newest iPhone or the right shoes to hearing people beg for just one pair of used jeans and a Bible.
I also talked to a guy here about the halfway house opening up. They have funding for the first 6 months of rent, and they are just waiting for the government to approve all of the paperwork and stuff, then it will be open for the boys. It is so amazing to hear how they are working down here. I want to find a way to help out more. I feel like this summer has been me seeing all of the needs that need to be met here. But God is definitely present in this country. "Greater things are yet to come; greater things are still to be done in this city."
And, as always, please keep all of this in your prayers.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Sorry It's Been so Long
Wednesday we took some special needs kids to a house on a beach (with a pool) and we had a blast. It was the first time most of the kids had ever been to the beach. One of them became very attached to my mom, so that was a lot of fun to watch. I helped feed one of the kids who wasn't able to feel himself before eating lunch. Well, Wednesday night I woke up very VERY sick. Kurt said it could have been from feeding the boy, from the bacteria in the water, or I could have just been dehydrated. Either way, I was miserable. Therefore, Thursday my mom and I stayed at the house, but Micaiah still went out and helped the group paint the new halfway house for boys.
Friday I woke up feeling (relatively) better. There was a nurse with the group and she said I wouldn't be able to give my 100% that day. THAT was an understatement. I couldn't even give 20% when we went to San Martin (a government run center for special needs adults) that morning. I hated it. There is nothing worse than watching adults dance to Justin Bieber and not being able to join. After lunch we went to finish painting the halfway house. My mom said "I think you should find the coolest place (as if there is such thing as a "cool place" in El Salvador) and sit down." I attempted to do that, but it just made me feel worse to see everyone else working. So I got up and found a bathroom to paint. Once I finished that I felt extremely better. While painting the bathroom one of the men from the group came in and said "I asked your brother if he thought you were a wuss for getting sick and he said 'She has gotten 2 parasites, a cold and lice. And she still comes back. I won't ever call her a wuss.' After hearing that, I'd say you're a pretty strong woman." I won't lie, that kind of made my day.
Saturday Susan (Kurt's wife) invited some of us to see a talent show at the school where she teaches English. That was so much fun. The kids were so funny... The new group came in last night and they have been fun. Although I think I may get less sleep this week since they seem to like staying up late and sound travels in this house.
Today we went to the Ackermann's church (I typically go to another one) and I LOVED it. Salvadorean church is so much fun. After lunch we went to CIPI (the halfway orphanage) and broke up into teams. One team did games, one did crafts, one did a Bible story, and one helped build a new swing set.
It has been a long couple of days, but I have loved each one.
Tomorrow Micaiah and my mom leave, which I'm kind of sad about. It has been really weird to have family members here. I didn't realize how accustomed I have become to being on my own. And it's little things, like my mom being surprised that I freeze a bottle of water each night for the next day. To me, that seems logical in El Salvador. But I guess to a mother that seems like a really brilliant thing for a teenager to come up with.
Please keep them in your prayers tomorrow!
Friday I woke up feeling (relatively) better. There was a nurse with the group and she said I wouldn't be able to give my 100% that day. THAT was an understatement. I couldn't even give 20% when we went to San Martin (a government run center for special needs adults) that morning. I hated it. There is nothing worse than watching adults dance to Justin Bieber and not being able to join. After lunch we went to finish painting the halfway house. My mom said "I think you should find the coolest place (as if there is such thing as a "cool place" in El Salvador) and sit down." I attempted to do that, but it just made me feel worse to see everyone else working. So I got up and found a bathroom to paint. Once I finished that I felt extremely better. While painting the bathroom one of the men from the group came in and said "I asked your brother if he thought you were a wuss for getting sick and he said 'She has gotten 2 parasites, a cold and lice. And she still comes back. I won't ever call her a wuss.' After hearing that, I'd say you're a pretty strong woman." I won't lie, that kind of made my day.
Saturday Susan (Kurt's wife) invited some of us to see a talent show at the school where she teaches English. That was so much fun. The kids were so funny... The new group came in last night and they have been fun. Although I think I may get less sleep this week since they seem to like staying up late and sound travels in this house.
Today we went to the Ackermann's church (I typically go to another one) and I LOVED it. Salvadorean church is so much fun. After lunch we went to CIPI (the halfway orphanage) and broke up into teams. One team did games, one did crafts, one did a Bible story, and one helped build a new swing set.
It has been a long couple of days, but I have loved each one.
Tomorrow Micaiah and my mom leave, which I'm kind of sad about. It has been really weird to have family members here. I didn't realize how accustomed I have become to being on my own. And it's little things, like my mom being surprised that I freeze a bottle of water each night for the next day. To me, that seems logical in El Salvador. But I guess to a mother that seems like a really brilliant thing for a teenager to come up with.
Please keep them in your prayers tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
"Many men have walked much farther for much less"
The Ackermann's built a home in a community out in the country a few months ago, so we went to see the house and take food to the families in the community today. It was probably the most poor place I've ever been to. The houses were tiny and they were telling us that most of the people don't have money to get food a lot of times. The women will be nannies for people in the city, but they will have to stay in the city for like 10 days before getting a weekend to go see their own children. We broke up into 5 groups and walked door to door around the community to ask if they wanted food, a Bible, and us to pray for them. Again, I was struck with how appreciative and kind everyone was. At one point my group had just walked down a huge hill and our translator (Orsy) decided we should climb up a steep slope to get to one house. I said "Ummm." and he said "Come on Lydia, many men have walked much farther for much less." As soon as he said it I was reminded of Jesus and how far he had to walk with a cross on his back just for us. In no way am I comparing myself to Jesus. Quite the opposite, actually. It was just a reminder that I am only doing what I can do to tell these people about that long walk Jesus took.
Later in the afternoon we went to the orphanage for kids who have HIV/AIDS. There was one little girl in a wheel chair who immediately grabbed my hand as I was walking by. We only had the time to be there for about 30 minutes, but I stood there with her the entire time. Kurt told me that the kids got HIV/AIDS from their parents, and have been in the orphanage since they were babies. It's wonderful that they are there because they get the care and medicine that they need, but it was so heart wrenching to me to know that these kids are suffering because of something they had no control over. It seems like that is the common theme here. After talking about it, I was already on edge emotionally. Then the girl who was holding my hand, lifted it up and kissed it. That honestly made me cry. I can't even explain it. The fact that she is in this situation, and still shows her love to random missionaries who are just passing through, is so amazing to me.
I thought of Hosea 14: 4 today. "I will heal their waywardness and love them freely for my anger has turned away from them."... God was talking about how angry he was in Hosea 13, and then he turns and talks about how much he loves them. It is so crazy to me that He just forgives. I get so angry sometimes when I start to think about the kids here. But I know God has a plan for each of them. And I know He sent me here to love them, not to rebuke the people who have hurt them.
Later in the afternoon we went to the orphanage for kids who have HIV/AIDS. There was one little girl in a wheel chair who immediately grabbed my hand as I was walking by. We only had the time to be there for about 30 minutes, but I stood there with her the entire time. Kurt told me that the kids got HIV/AIDS from their parents, and have been in the orphanage since they were babies. It's wonderful that they are there because they get the care and medicine that they need, but it was so heart wrenching to me to know that these kids are suffering because of something they had no control over. It seems like that is the common theme here. After talking about it, I was already on edge emotionally. Then the girl who was holding my hand, lifted it up and kissed it. That honestly made me cry. I can't even explain it. The fact that she is in this situation, and still shows her love to random missionaries who are just passing through, is so amazing to me.
I thought of Hosea 14: 4 today. "I will heal their waywardness and love them freely for my anger has turned away from them."... God was talking about how angry he was in Hosea 13, and then he turns and talks about how much he loves them. It is so crazy to me that He just forgives. I get so angry sometimes when I start to think about the kids here. But I know God has a plan for each of them. And I know He sent me here to love them, not to rebuke the people who have hurt them.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Day One
We landed in El Salvador and I realized I had never confirmed who was picking us up from the airport. Typically the girls from the half house are there waiting for me, and since that wasn't possible this year I kind of freaked out. No one was there for us. We waited around for a few minutes and I started to really panic. What if I had to talk to a taxi driver in Spanish? There's no WAY I could pronounce our address! So I took the next best option: ask an airport worker if we can borrow a phone. This leads me to the first of many things I learned today: El Salvador doesn't use area codes. Long story short, the airport workers got a good laugh out of the gringos who didn't know how to use a phone.
Kurt came to pick us up and we went to lunch. Then he asked if we would rather go back to the house, or go meet a group from Kentucky at the orphanage. My mother (without hesitation) said we would be going to the orphanage. On our way there, I found out El Salvador has a new law that is putting kids back at home with their families. I think it's great that the government is taking action, but this could have it's withdrawals.
We then got to the orphanage (CIPI, where I worked last year) and the other group was in the middle of doing a few activities with some of the kids. I took Micaiah and my mom on a tour of the orphanage. Of course, we all melted when we saw the new borns. I was hesitant to go into the nursery because I'm not really sure how to say "I want to hold these babies" in Spanish. But we went anyway and Micaiah was the first one to fall in love with any of the babies. We then spent the rest of our time just playing with some of the older kids. And I found out that the school in CIPI is actually a neighborhood school, and not a school for the orphanage.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
2012 Trip :)
Hey everyone! I would like to thank everyone who helped fund my trip! Everything helped, and it means so much to me to have so much support!
I leave tomorrow at 6 in the morning. My brother and my mom will be with me for the first week, and I'm so excited to show them why I love El Salvador so much.
This trip is going to be a lot different for me. If you read my blog posts from last year you will read about The Promise House and The Hope House, two half homes I've worked in the past three years that were shut down. This means I probably won't see any of the girls or kids I've spent the past three trips with.
I will be spending every day in one of the orphanages. Last year I spent the mornings with older girls who are at CIPI for many different reasons, and then I would spend the afternoons with the younger kids. My mom found my favorite book (Redeeming Love) in Spanish, so I'm thinking about reading that to the girls. For those of you who haven't read the book, it's the story of Hosea in an actual story form. In the book, Michael falls in love with a girl who was sold into prostitution as a child. She is closed off and he has to fight for her, but no matter how many times she runs away, he goes after her. It's such a heart breaking story at times, but it is also a great reminder that God has a plan for everyone.
I'm so excited to finally be there. Sometimes I get caught up in all of the stupid high school drama here. Being in El Salvador is such a good reminder of what God has called me to do, and what is really important to me.
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